Leaving him behind
by SuperHeroFanGurl
Summary: For all those people who were ticked off when Merlin was left behind in the caves. What if the Diamair didn't completely heal Merlin and he was left all alone in the dark, by himself... When the knights left Merlin behind in the caves, they didn't realise just how big of an impact it would have.
1. Prologue

**AN: Soooo, I have decided to write a Merlin fanfic! Yay! It's basically because I was just soooo damn frustrated when I saw the knights walking out of those caves and leaving Merlin behind! And THEN he was just, suddenly back at Camelot, helping Mordred with his armor, which made me go, WHAT THE HELL! Soooo, I decided to write this... yeah...**

**This first part is the Prologue so it's really short. And it's in Mordred's POV**

**Warnings: Mordred is not evil in this story, well not at the beginning. At them moment he's just vengeful...  
Disclaimer: Merlin's not mine :'(**

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**Prologue**

A thousand emotions were rapidly building up within him, pooling in his stomach and rising quickly, boiling, simmering, reaching for the surface. They confused him, tugging him in different directions, pulling him this way and that, twisting his thoughts, blurring the difference between right and wrong.

But three emotions dominated the rest, the first being anger and resentment, the other… guilt. The anger and resentment were directed at the man that was lying not ten feet away from him, the guilt was for what he was about to do.

Gripping Arthur firmly, Mordred made a move for the exit of the cave. For a moment, he glanced back at Emrys, sprawled on the ground, skin even more pasty than usual, barely breathing. The younger Warlock flinched back towards the King's manservant, moving as if to help him. _He looked so fragile_.

But Mordred clenched his teeth, '_he tried to stop you from escaping remember?_' a nasty voice echoed through his mind.

'_He doesn't trust you, he's terrified of you! He'd be likely to kill you if he had the chance!'_

The young man glanced back at Merlin for a fleeting moment, not finding it within him to believe that someone so pure, so sweet and kind could ever do such a thing. But he knew for a fact that the Warlock could, for he'd witnessed it with his own eyes, because when it came to protecting his King, Merlin would do anything to keep Arthur safe.

So, breathing a sigh, the druid continued his way out of the caves, hauling Camelot's king along with him. He made it about twenty feet before he was greeted by the voices of Arthur's worried knights. They raced towards him; one of them lugging Arthur's other arm over his shoulder and helped him move blond man out of the caves. Together, the knights helped them out, simultaneously firing questions at him, asking what had happened. But he had no answer.

Eventually they reached the exit and gladly welcomed the light of the sun.

"Hey," a knight with dark skin turned to him, "you look a bit tired. Why don't you rest for a minute? We'll take Arthur."

The rest of the knights nodded in agreement and Mordred was surprised to find that there was genuine concern in their eyes. The expressions were like a blow to the stomach as guilt once again washed over him. _'They wouldn't look at me like that if they knew what I have done to their friend,'_ he thought bitterly.

Taking a deep breath he replied, "Sure, thankyou Sir…."

"Elyan," he supplied and then motioned to the rest of the group, "this is Percival, Gwaine and Leon, we're all knights of the Round Table." He paused, "thankyou… for rescuing our King."

"It was just the right thing to do…" he muttered in response, ducking his head.

"Well yes, but you still needn't have done it." One of the other knights, _'Gwaine' _he thought, stated kindly. Then he felt the pressure of Arthur's arm around his shoulders leave him, as the knights took him away.

Mordred waited a moment before following though and turned back to the cave's entrance. Expression grim, he lifted his hand up in a kind of salute.

"You left me to die Emrys," he whispered, "_now _we're even."

And with that, he turned back and moved to join the rest, moving away from the caves, away from Emrys. He kept his expression blank and put all his concentration into avoiding tripping over the course earth, ignoring the waves of guilt that were crashing over him.

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**And there you have it, the first chapter! Don't worry, the knights will realise Merlin's gone soon! Now why don't you just go ahead and review ey? It'll make me happy! *Gives a blinding smile* ****And I promise that if a few people review I will continue the story... Do you think I should continue? **


	2. Painful realisations

**AN: Hey guys! Thankyou soooooo much for the review! I cannot believe the response I'm getting from this! Just THANKYOU! Also, I apologise in advance for the length of my chapter, I'm still really new to writing. And for the fact that I'm not thanking each of you individually, I'm just so *yawn* t-tired. So I promise to try and do it in the next chapter (which may not be for a while due to studies).**_  
_

**Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine**

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_"If Mordred isn't Arthur's bane, then who is?"_

_"Himself"_

Merlin lay in silence, pondering the words of the Diamair. What could it possibly have meant? What would Arthur do that will be so terrible, so horrific that it could be his downfall. The young man clenched his eyes shut and tried to quench the need to burst into tears. He had spent, almost a _decade _protecting this man, his friend, from friend and foe alike. But _never _had he thought the day would come, when he would have to protect Arthur from himself.

Arthur… Merlin's face contorted to one of confusion and his eyebrows furrowed. Then realisation hit him.

"ARTHUR!" He cried in shock and worry, bolting into a sitting position, whipping his head around, eyes searching every corner of the cave for his friend only to find no trace of him.

Panic seized him and Merlin moved to get up, in order to expand his search. Scrambling to his feet, he stumbled a few feet before collapsing back to the ground, clutching his head as pain swept through him like a raging inferno.

His fingers clawed at his skull and pressed against his temple as if in an attempt to numb it. His head was throbbing, stomach churning and his body ached and burned. Thoughts blurred, merging into one and his vision swirled as his world tipped off its axis.

The servant's breaths came out in choked gasps, harsh and raspy. The pain was overwhelming him, surging through his veins and clouding his mind. He wanted it to end, to melt away, he wanted the fire to leave him, wanted the burning to stop.

Merlin was losing his grip on reality, but just as it was about to slip away, he found himself latching on. Holding on to his senses with an iron grip, Merlin made an attempt to push past the pain and found his vision clearing. Moving slowly, Merlin shifted forward, making small, stuttered movements across the floor of the caves as he tried to ignore the continuous throbbing.

And after what seemed like hours, he finally reached the exit. Glancing up the long tunnel, Merlin saw no one. Tears of pain welled up in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks.

"Help," he gasped out, "somebody! Anybody!" And as nobody answered, Merlin found himself coughing, choking on the air around him as feelings of shock and despair coursed through him.

"P-Please..." he rasped.

Black spots began to obscure his vision as the pain returned full-force and more tears began to leak out. The warlock's arms shook and gave way beneath him, bringing him fully to the ground.

_"They've abandoned me, they've left me behind,"_ he thought; hurt filling him as the words echoing through his mind.

And then the black overwhelmed him, wrapping around him like a blanket and he was falling, falling into an abyss as reality melted away. Darkness enveloped him... and Merlin welcomed it.

* * *

Miles away, the knights and Mordred had set up camp in a clearing. The fire was crackling happily, embers glowing and was everyone recounted their tales of the past few weeks. Gasps of horror and yells of disbelief resounded off the trees as the group talked.

It was when Gwaine was in the middle of telling everyone about the strange light he saw in the caves, that it happened.

"He's waking up!" cried out Percival as a low groan was heard from Arthur's direction. Scrambling to their feet, they crowded him quickly, concern and relief filling their faces as the man's eyes fluttered open. But they quickly filled with worry as Arthur's expression turned to panic.

Thrusting his arms out, he grasped at their arms, speaking rapidly, "Injured… wall… Morgana… was hurt…"

The knights exchanged looks of confusion and concern.

Leon spoke up, "Arthur," he said gently, "we can't understand you. You're going to have to calm down for us and then speak very, _very_ slowly."

Arthur clenched his eyes shut and took a deep, shuddering breath before rasping out, "he was hurt… badly… slammed… wall… Merlin. W-Where's Merlin?"

The young King looked at them in desperation, no one noticing Mordred shifting uncomfortably in the background.

The knights glanced at each other, faces morphing into panic, quickly turning to scan the clearing, Arthur watching them worriedly, the panic never leaving his face. Then, they slowly turned back to look each other again, jaws slack with horror as the truth hit them. Gwaine chose that moment to voice the thought that was resounding through their minds.

"Oh _crap_,"

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**So what do you think! R-Review please! Now I'm just g-gonna *yawn* go to sleep *passes out*.**


	3. Explaining to Arthur

**AN: Why ****_hello _****my lovely readers! I've got to admit I practically fell out of my chair when I looked at the story's status, I mean, 67 REVIEWS! Then 175 FOLLOWERS! And for Christ's sake, 48 PEOPLE have already favourited it! It's been TWO chapters people TWO! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! **

**Not that I don't appreciate it! Actually I think I just about love all of you! *sniffs* I just cannot believe how much feedback I've gotten, it's just** _**amazing**_**! So thank you! I promise to thank each and every one of the reviewers at the end of this chapter... that's going to take a while...**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Merlin, this story wouldn't have to exist in the first place, 'cause trust me, that episode would have gone ****_very _****differently.**

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"What do you mean _you don't know where he is_?" Arthur thundered, anger coursing through his veins as he stared at the guilty knights. The young king was fuming, having stood in front of his men (and Mordred) for the past ten minutes as they tried to stutter out explanations.

The group shuffled awkwardly, pained looks filling their faces. They hadn't even _felt _that something was amiss until Arthur had had woken up, the words that tumbled from his lips igniting dread in their stomachs. Dread, that slowly turned to horror as they realised what they had done, as the realised the truth. And the realisation felt like a blow to the gut; harsh and painful.

Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, "After everything that we have been through together, I just _can't _believe that you forgot him.

Elyan stepped forward cautiously and grimaced "we didn't see him, Sire; I guess we just assumed he was with us... like he always is."

Behind him the knights nodded in agreement with the statement and Gwaine slid to the ground, dropping his face into his hands.

"I guess we just took it for granted," he mumbled, his voice muffled behind his fingers.

All head snapped up to look at him their faces morphing into ones of confusion, "What?"

The knights lifted his head to look at them, jaw clenched, as if in pain, "Merlin's always managed to escape situations like that one, it's what he does. No matter what knocks him down, he always manages to get back on his feet, always managing to heal. And no matter what's happened, he's always been _there_, always with us, always helping us," Gwaine smiled sadly, "I guess we just assumed he'd be there this time as well."

All was silent for a moment, as the words sank in, but Arthur was still looking at them in obvious confusion. "But…. Merlin was like… ten feet away from me down in the caves. Surely you saw him down there!"

The knights glanced at each other, frowning. It was Percival that chose to break the silence, "Sire, perhaps the reason that we didn't see Merlin, was because we weren't the one to find you down there." He stated, "we were on our way down to find you when we… ran into Mordred, he was the one who found you."

"Mordred?" Arthur asked, incredulous.

The knights nodded, slowly turning towards the ex-druid, who in all honesty, looked like all he wanted to do was hide.

But as Arthur looked up at the young man and saw the fear that shone in his eyes he felt all the anger that he had just, _melt away_. Because as soon as his eyes fell on Mordred, his mind flashed back to the little boy that he, Merlin and Morgana had saved from the pyre. And for some reason, he just couldn't bring himself to be mad at him.

"Mordred," he said softly, "did you see Merlin down in the caves?"

The boy looked reluctant, but nodded, causing Arthur to grit his teeth.

"And why didn't you tell anyone about him?"

"W-well," he stuttered, "I just had to get you out of there Sire, as I wasn't strong enough to help both of you. B-by the time that your men came along and we got out of the caves, I completely forgot about Merlin. I did mean to go back for him though, h-honestly"

The group's expressions softened at the pleading look on Mordred's face, not having it in them to berate the young man.

Gwaine opened his mouth to speak, wincing, as if what he was about to say pained him. "What state was he in?" he whispered.

"Sorry?" Mordred asked, "I didn't catch that."

"I said, _what state_ was he in?" Gwaine spoke louder, "what condition was Merlin in when you left?"

"Well you see, that's the thing," Mordred whispered, "Morgana had thrown him at the wall, the impact knocking him out. When I left… his hair appeared to be matted with blood… he was barely breathing…"

On the last word, Mordred's voice cracked and he ducked his head, while the rest of the group exchanged looks of horror. They sat in silence, the anger and worry coursing through their veins as the implications of that statement sank in. As they realised… that Merlin might not make it.

Then, the sound of crunching leaves and clanking metal broke the silence bringing the men out of their reverie. Gwaine had gotten stood up and was fiddling with his armour.

Leon cleared his throat, in an attempt to get the other knight's attention. Gwaine paused in his movements and spun around, observing their baffled looks, his expression morphed into one of anger.

"Well?" he snapped, startling them, "what are you lot sitting around for? Come on!"

Realisation dawned on Arthur and he quickly followed suit, leaving behind the confused group.

"Umm… I'm sorry but, what?" Leon asked.

Gwaine glowered at them, "Oh dear gods," he muttered, "_we_ are going to find Merlin. Feel free to come along if you wish!"

Their mouths dropped open and they immediately looked sheepish.

"Idiots," Gwaine muttered, as he and Arthur left the clearing. They paused for a moment as the others scrambled to their feet and rushed after them.

"Arthur?" Elyan spoke, "what if there are still some of Morgana's men down in the caves?"

Arthur shrugged, "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"And what about Morgana herself?"

Arthur opened his mouth to respond, and then stopped, frowning, having not thought about it. Glancing at Morded he asked, "What exactly happened to her?"

"Umm… I kind of… stabbed her?"

The group blinked, halting for a moment in shock, before Gwaine turned around and grinned at the boy, "You my friend, bring a whole new meaning to the term 'stabbed in the back'."

Mordred blushed, "W-well…"

Arthur cut him off, "We'll talk about _that _later. For now let's just focus on getting to the caves." He stated, and the group hurriedly started moving again.

"Now," the young king started, "you Mordred, are going to have to show us _exactly _where you left Merlin."

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**I hope that was longer than my other chapters. Sooo, tell me what watcha think! And feel free to point out any mistakes, I'm still learning.**

**Reviews:**

**Dearheart: thanks for reviewing! And I think your questions have been answered now.**

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**Felicity P: Aww thanks :D**

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**OhHowDelightfullyDreadful: Awesome Pen-name! And thankyou I'll be sure to continue! Personally I'm conflicted about Mordred, 'cause either he's a nice person or just a really _really _good actor!**

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**Boxerbee: I was miffed to, and I agree, Mordred confuses me.**

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**saroura92: No, he didn't (well he has now) but I think that Mordred may have seen it that way back when Merlin tripped him. Ya know, when Mordred said "I won't forgive this Emrys and I won't ever forget"**

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**Okay... *flexes fingers* Ya know what? I'm just going to say on big thankyou next time! 'Cause that took up sooooo much space and my fingers hurt *pouts***

**But anyway, hope you enjoyed it!**


	4. Finding him

**AN: And here's the fourth chapter! Thanks for being patient guys! This is my first day of Summer Holidays, so the past few weeks have been full of exams and other assessment so I've struggled to find time to write a new chapter. So, again, thankyou for being patient with me. I also won't be saying thankyou individually again, it's too much trouble, so I'll just settle for saying a massive THANKYOU SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL! And I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: *sigh* Merlin isn't mine, but he will be soon, oh he _will be _MUAHAHAHAHAHA! *cough cough***

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He trudged after the knights, having a difficult time keeping up with the fast pace of the older men. Guilt still throbbed in his chest, though the pressure had lessened slightly as the hours went by. Leaving Merlin… wasn't a necessary thing to do and if he were to be honest with himself then he would admit that the grudge against the man that he had held as a child had long-since faded. But the thing was… something told him that getting rid of Merlin would help him, with what, he wasn't entirely sure, but he just _knew _that it was essential.

Playing the innocent bystander wasn't difficult, he had had much practice before, although, the guilt and shame were very real. Guilt for leaving him behind, injured, hopeless, fragi-

Mordred halted his thoughts, and berated himself, _why should he feel guilty? _It wasn't as if _he_ and Emrys were friends. No, if anyone should be feeling bad at the moment it should be the men that he was currently walking with. The _Knights of the Round _Table the ones that Emrys had served for almost a decade, continuously risking his life for. Emrys was practically a King, _damn it_ he was practically a _God. _And yet, he stayed, stayed in a position where he was treated as lesser, as a servent. And he stayed _for _them. How could they just forget him? How could they leave him after _everything_ that Emrys had sacrificed for them?

Ahead he could hear shouts as the King reprimanded his friends, his rage prominent from even where Mordred was standing. He watched as the men ducked their heads in shame, shouting apologies and crying out in denial as their Monarch accused them of not caring for the younger man, the servant, their friend.

_No, _he decided, _no_ he _shouldn't_ be the one feeling guilty… _so why did he? Why did he hurt so much?_

* * *

After hours of stumbling through forests, tripping over rocks and constant arguing, the group finally arrived at their destination. By this time the sun was starting to peek over the trees, the glow illuminating the area and casting light over the snow, creating a glimmering field of ice crystals. With the sky now the colour of a fresh bruise, shades of pink and purple smattered across the sky, the valley was breathtaking. But sadly, this only served to make the dark fortress standing in the distance all the more daunting.

"It's a lot… _scarier _then I remember it," Percival muttered, the others nodding in agreement, slightly out of breathe after the journey.

Arthur scoffed, pushing passed the group and continuing towards the looming structure, "You lot have seen things far worse than this! So stop being such wimps and let's go find my idiot of a manservant."

The others grimaced, but their expressions were ones of grim determination and they surged forward, quickening their pace; their desperation to save their friend outweighing their fear of the, now deserted fortress. They would save Merlin, they _had to_.

* * *

"So it's just through here, isn't it?" Arthur asked as they walked through the tunnel leading to the cavern where he had had his confrontation with his sister.

The others nodded in response, Mordred raising a hand and pointing to the opening that lay ahead, I found you in there, your Majesty."

The group exchanged a weary glance, their hesitation speaking volumes. A series of emotions overwhelming them, caught between desperation to find and save their friend, and worry over what they'll find.

"Was she dead?" Elyan asked, turning to Mordred, "_Morgana_, was she dead?"

Mordred shrugged, "I don't think I killed her, I did however, severely injure her. She was unconscious when I left the caves."

Gwaine flicked a glance at the boy, "Do you think she was capable of injuring Merlin?"

"I think in her state, her main priority would have been to save herself."

The older man nodded, before turning to the pale King, "You alright Princess?"

The eyes of the man in question were slightly glazed over, and his hands flickered, as tremors ran through them. "No," he whispered quietly, slowly shaking his head, "no I'm not. I can't deal with this again; I can't deal with losing him."

Taking a deep breath, he lifted his head and turned to the others, "Well? What are you all standing there for?"

The question snapped them back to reality and they leapt forward, hurrying down the tunnel, and stumbling into the cavern. One held up a torch, in an attempt to shed light on the dark room and they hurried forward, searching the area for any sign of their friend.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Arthur's harsh whisper broke the air, and all movement came to a halt. "Here," he said, voice breaking, "he's over here."

They rushed over to where Arthur was crouched over an unmoving figure, one that lay about ten feet from the cave entrance. Percival lifted his torch, illuminating Merlin's pale face. His eyebrows were furrowed and his expression was one of pain.

"Oh gods," Gwaine whispered.

Elyan gently pressed a hand to the back of the servants head, then drew back to inspect his fingers, they were red. "There's a fair bit of blood here, this head wound is really bad."

Gwaine nodded, not taking his eyes off of his friend, "We need to get him back to Gaius, quickly, he's barely breathing."

And while they talked about how they could move the boy without causing future damage and how they could possibly stop the blood-flow, none noticed Arthur's silence.

Tears dripped steadily down the blond man's cheeks and he rested a hand over the raven's chest. "Please," he whispered, "you're my best-friend Merlin. You may be an idiot, but I need you, I can't do this without you. Please Merlin I can't lose you, you _can't _do this to me again."

The young King shook his head, leaning forward, he whispered what sounded like an order in the other man's ear, "You_ can't_ leave. I won't let you."

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**So... let me know what you thought guys!**


	5. Return to Camelot

**Okay, first of all: please PLEASE don't kill me! I know that this update is quite late and I am so so so so so sorry! But I had a really bad case of writer's block, so this took FOREVER! I am so So SO sorry...**

**But thank you for all your support, I love you guys, I really do...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. :(**

* * *

They walked for hours, watching as the sun drifted across the sky, as the clouds passed by; suppressing any fatigue and struggling not to fall asleep. Over time, the splashes of colour that were once decorating the horizon had melted away; leaving behind a stretch of magnificent blue, speckled with wisps of white and grey.

By midday the sun was hanging directly above them, bathing them in harsh light and nipping at their skin, but still, they pushed on. Because no matter how much they wanted to rest, no matter how much they _needed _to, the fact remained that their friend's condition was getting worse by the minute. His life was but the flame of a candle, _flickering_ in the breeze.

The knights were constantly offering to carry Merlin, trying to make their King see sense, but Arthur refused to let his servant be taken from his arms.

It wasn't that he didn't trust the others to be gentle with the young man, _no of course not_. It was the dwelling fear that each breath the raven took would be his last, the lingering notion that, with Merlin here, he might have the smallest amount of control over his friend's fate.

"Sire," Leon spoke up, for perhaps the twelfth time, "maybe you should relent and hand Merlin to someone el-"

"I'm perfectly capable of carrying my own manservant _Leon_," Arthur snapped, cutting the Knight off with a tired glare, "just… just leave it."

That was the last time that anyone made an attempt at convincing their King to give up. For seeing the broken expression on the man's face was enough to make their own hearts ache with grief, more than they already were.

It was almost nightfall when they reached Camelot, not having stopped for any breaks along the way; the sky a pink and purple haze as the sun dropped behind the trees.

They were a mess of stumbling feet, drooping eyes and stifled yawns by that time, but their expressions were still ones of grim determination. And when the first caught site of the city, as the broke through the forest's boundaries, they felt relief wash over them like a calming breeze.

The words, "It's him! King Arthur has returned!" pierced the air as the joyful guards spotted them approaching from their position at the gates, and they rushed to them, pleased and relieved. Only to have their faces fall as they spotted Merlin, skin pale and chest rattling with each breath as he lay nestled in the Kings arm.

Arthur nodded grimly, "My manservant was injured by the Lady Morgana and we need to get him to Gaius, _quickly_." He stated, "Two of you lead us through the town and up to the castle, the rest of you stay here and resume you posts," he ordered.

The men nodded in response and two stepped forward to guide them through the town, clearing pathways so they could easily walk through the crowded streets. Peasants, knights and nobles gawped as the passed, eyes wide and jaws slack, momentarily silent as they watched on. Gasps and sobs cut through the silence as people caught site of the King's manservant, chalk-white and unmoving.

Merlin was well known among the people, often coming down to the lower town as he ran an errand or simply because he wanted to see them. He was their brother, their son and for many, their best-friend. With the kindest of souls, the widest of smiles and wisdom that most could never hope to gain.

Seeing him like this... was like a knife to the chest.

The group passed through the crowds silently, their gaze directed pointedly at the castle, their hearts thudding against their ribcages in anticipation. Their pace quickening as they entered the citadel, eager to get to Gaius, eager to see their friend open his eyes once more.

"Arthur!" Gwen's cry pierced the air as they walked swiftly into the courtyard; greeted by the sight of the young Queen hurrying down the front steps, red garments fluttering in the wind and billowing around her feet as she rushed towards her husband.

The people parted quickly as she moved towards them, "Arthur, what-"

She stopped in her tracks, eyes becoming fixed on the body that lay, limp in Arthur's arms. "Merlin," she whispered, horror filling her features as she clapped a hand to her mouth, tears welling in her eyes.

"No," she whimpered, shaking her head, "Nononononono! Not again." She stumbled back a few steps, dropping her face into her hands.

"Not again, not again..."

"Your majesty," several servants stepped forward in concern, only to have her push them away.

Still shaking her head, Gwen stepped toward the group, jaw clenched in a way that many had seen before, "What happened?"

"Morgana," Arthur stated grimly, gritting his teeth.

The young Queen nodded, before turning on her heal and stalking back up the marble steps, everyone else immediately following, rushing to Gaius's chambers.

* * *

They barged into the room, door slamming open as they entered, the ruckus startling the very man they were looking for.

Gaius jumped, a vial that contained a suspicious looking liquid slipping out of his hands and smashing as it hit the floor. The aging man turned to look at them, a scowl set firmly on his face as he prepared to reprimand them. A scowl, that promptly vanished as he noticed their conditions and, more importantly, his ward's condition.

"Sire," he exclaimed, rushing to clear the contents of the patient's examination table, "what on Earth happened?"

The blond man, gently set his servant on the bench, barely glancing at the physician he answered, "_Morgana_ is what happened. She used magic, Merlin gained a head injury, was knocked unconscious and was _alone _for a number of hours because these _idiots _left him_ behind._"

The King turned once more to scowl at the guilty group.

"Okay," Gaius sighed, searching through his supplies, "has he ble-"

But before he could get anymore words out of his mouth he was cut off, as a certain woman in the room let out an indignant squawk.

"WHAT?" she exclaimed, looking at the knights, "You did, WHAT?"

They shuffled nervously, their shoulders hunched in shame as Gwen's harsh words rang in their ears. Leon bit his lip, glancing up at the fuming Queen nervously, "My Lady, we didn't intend to-"

"Didn't intend to what? Leave one of your closest friends for dead?" she whispered, eyes narrow in anger. The group gulped and simultaneously took a step back.

Arthur chuckled slightly, blanching as his wife turned on him, "And where were _you_, in all of this Arthur?"

"Unconscious."

"….okay, you're free to go." She said, before flicking her gaze back to the cowering knights, "Now _you _on the other hand…"

Arthur snorted, stepping forward and resting a hand on Gwen's shoulder, "Guinevere I've already done this with them and don't worry, I'll be sure to dish out some punishment. But," he added, when she opened her mouth in protest, "if you're really that angry then you can have a go at them later. But for now… let's just focus on my manservant."

She bit her lip, hands still on hips and ducked her head slightly in thought, before glancing up at her husband and nodding in agreement.

Quickly, everyone crowded the work bench, stepping back slightly when Gaius sent a glare in their direction. Said man had just finished examining the head wound and was pulling off the makeshift bandage they had created, replacing it with a fresh one.

He then stepped away from the bench and looked at the group in concern, "How long ago, was he injured, exactly?"

Arthur frowned in though before answering, "A bit over a day I suppose."

The physician grimaced causing the others to pale.

"He'll be okay, won't he?" Gwaine asked.

"The head wound is fairly bad, but it appears that there are no cracks in the skull, so nothing too bad should occur. However, due to the fact that it is likely that Merlin is concussed, and has been bleeding for a rather long period of time, the damage may, in truth, be quite severe. Our main concern will likely be blood loss, but I won't know any more until he wakes up."

He stopped, letting the group absorb the information. After a few moments of tense silence, Arthur spoke up, "But… do you have any idea if he'll be okay or not?"

The physician sighed, looking down at his ward sadly, "Honestly sire, it's like I said, I won't know any more until he wakes up, _if _he wakes up." He added in a whisper, "but until then, it's up to the Gods to decide his fate, until then… we can only hope."

* * *

**Yeah... not my best chapter, but it was longer! :D  
Hope you guys enjoyed it, please review! And any suggestions or constructive criticism is welcome! **


	6. Waiting it out

**Hey** **guys! I decided that, as my Christmas gift to you, I would update the story, so I hope you like it! And thanks for all of the reviews, you guys have been great! **_  
_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, oh the HORROR! D:**

* * *

_They sat there for hours, solemn and anxious as Gaius worked to save their friend. Occasionally conversation would spark up and Gwen would give the knights a few verbal tongue lashing, forcing them to feel even more guilt. But other than that, all was silent, as if the world was holding its breath in anticipation. As if Earth had stopped moving, only to center on Merlin. For at this moment, at this time, at this place, all these people cared about, was their young friend…_

"Mordred you can go to bed if you wish," Arthur spoke up glancing over at the tired boy, "I'll have you escorted to some guest chambers where you can stay for as long as you need."

The ex-druid glanced up, passing a hand over tired eyes and frowning, "That is very generous of you, Sire, but if I am able to do so, I would like to stay and see how Merlin fairs-"

Gaius waved a hand, cutting him off, "That's nonsense Lad, it'll be a long time yet before this boy awakens and until then, you best get some rest." He said with a pointed look, "You look like death warmed over and from what I've heard; you've been up for more than two days."

"But-"

"Go."

Arthur stood and moved over to the guards that stood by the door. They talked for a few moments and the men nodded in agreement, before Arthur turned and walked back to Mordred.

"Those guards will lead you to some guest chambers where you can rest for the night, if you choose to stay here in Camelot then we will find you a more permanent residence." Arthur explained, nodding towards the door, "and you needn't worry, if anything happens to Merlin, if he wakes up, you shall be alerted."

The boy looked reluctant and bit his lip, giving the King's manservant one last, long look, before nodding.

"Very well Sire, that is very generous of you," he answered, before nodding to the rest of the room's occupants in good night and walking out the door.

Arthur then resumed his seat and they continued their silent state, only to be broken again a few minutes later. Gwen had glanced toward the door, watching as Mordred left, her lips curving into a soft smile.

"He's a nice boy isn't he?" she smiled, eyes gleaming with fondness, "I think I like him. Well…" she added with a raised eyebrow, "I like him a lot more than I like you lot right now."

Elyan sighed in exasperation, "How many times do we have to say we're sorry?"

Gwen scowled at her brother and stood, pointing to the pale figure that lay, pale and unmoving on the bed. "You only have to say sorry _once._ Not to _me_,to _him_. Because_ he's_ the one that got hurt in all of this and _he_ should be the one to receive apologies. Whether he forgives you or not is another point entirely."

The knights squirmed slightly under her stare, but Elyan still found the strength to speak, "If he forgives us. Yes, well _that_ won't happen until he wakes up will it? So will you lay off for a moment, _please _Gwen, we fell terrible enough as it is without your constant reminders."

"_If_ he wakes up," Gwaine mumbled, "you said '_until_ he wakes up'. But we don't know if he will or not."

Elyan sighed, dropping his face into his hands, "Yeah, yeah I know…"

Gaius cleared his throat, dragging their attention to him, "Now, if you're all quite finished (_insert eyebrow of death_). You are all quite tired and everyone here, besides Gwen, hasn't slept in days. The majority of you are suffering the effects of sleep deprivation and it really is best that you all get to bed."

The group scrambled to their feet and immediately started to voice their protest regarding the matter.

"But Merlin-"

"What if he wakes up?"

"What if something happens?"

"We can't leave!"

"We are _not _tired."

"I've stayed awake ages longer than this!"

"Do we really want to know _why _Gwaine?"

"….no probably not."

Gaius raised a hand to silence them, "This is not up for debate. As your Physician I implore you to go and _get some rest_; for the sake of your health and, if not for you, _for Merlin_. Do you really think that he would be happy that you've been risking your own health for the sake of sitting by his bedside?"

"Well-"

"No," he continued, "he wouldn't; now off to bed, all of you. I shall send word if there is any change."

So, reluctantly, the group heaved themselves out of their chairs and left the room, dragging their feet and struggling to keep their eyes open. And finally, after Gwen and Arthur both sent one more concerned glance in Merlin's direction, they were gone.

Gaius watched them leave, a bemused expression marring his features. Smiling softly down at Merlin he whispered, "See that my boy? They do care about you, even if you won't believe it yourself..."

* * *

Arthur stood, staring out the window, knuckles white as he gripped the window sill. His eyes gazed, unseeing, at the millions of shining lights speckling the dark night sky. He looked past the bright, luminous orb that hung above the trees, gaze glancing off the slow moving clouds. Not even noticing, the breathtaking view of the city, the stone buildings scattered with flickering amber lights.

For Arthur Pendragon's thoughts were a million miles away. Or, more specifically, they a few corridors away, resting on the wellbeing of a certain manservant, whom he would never admit to caring for. And all the while hoping, _praying _that he would be alright.

He started slightly as he felt a hand rest on his shoulder and turned to see his wife eyeing him with concern.

"Arthur, are you alright?" she asked, before closing her eyes and shaking her head, "Sorry, stupid question."

He smiled sadly at her, "I just… I just hope that he's okay…"

She returned the smile and stepped into his warm embrace, running her hands up and down his back. "Me too Arthur me too…"

"It's just that," he mumbled, "I never- I never told him that I… that I…" he trailed off, choking back a sob as he tried to hide his tears. But opened his eyes as he felt gentle hands brush the tears away.

"You may not have said it Arthur," she breathed, resting a hand on his chest, "but he knew. He always knew. Now come to bed, face any trials that the Gods give us in the morning, but for now, just rest…"

The King nodded tiredly in agreement and followed the woman he loved to bed, where he fell into a deep and troubled sleep.

* * *

Whilst a thousand miles away, atop a great mountain, a dragon's pain-filled roar pierced the night air...

_"Merlin!"_

* * *

**Gap fillers may be frustrating, but they're necessary. But that was probably my longest chapter yet, so... yay! Don't forget to leave a review and Merry Christmas! :D**


	7. Open your eyes

**Hey! I would have updated this about a week ago, were it not for the fact that I have been stuck without wifi due to a trip and an argument with the phone company. Sorry :( **

**And thank you so much (again) for all of your support, it really brings a smile to my face :D **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Merlin, there is no way IN HELL that I would have ended it like that! I mean the producers scrapped most of the legend, so why not slot in a happy ending as well? Why? :(**

* * *

At the dawn of the Old Religion, when creatures of magic were only beginning to be born and the ways of the priests and priestesses were still being learnt; it came apparent that, as the creatures grew stronger and more dangerous, humans would need a way of protecting themselves. So the world's most powerful combined their knowledge, their resources, their thoughts and eventually found a solution.

Summoning magic, both pure and dark, they set to work. They wrote spells, forged weapons, brewed potions; they found a way to combat every beast, every _foe_ that crossed their path… all but one. For, they could not defeat the most ancient, the most powerful and the most dangerous creature of them all, the _dragon_.

Their extensive knowledge was far greater than their own, as was the beast's power; their magic was far stronger, their wisdom far greater. And no matter what they tried, no matter how many spells, weapons and traps they created, _nothing_ seemed capable of penetrating their armour. And thus, the humans came to the conclusion that, the creatures were _untouchable_.

So eventually, after many years of failed attempts, they decided to hold a meeting with the oldest of the dragons and they struck a deal. Seven of the kindest, bravest and most powerful men were chosen, hand-picked by the creatures themselves. Together, the dragons reached out to the men, intertwining their magic with that of the humans.

A link was formed and the seven warlocks were eternally bonded with dragon kind; they were able to speak in dragon tongue, able to talk to them within their minds. And most of all, they were able to control them.

They were capable of making a dragon bow to them at will, they could command them to follow orders and they were able to strike them down. But the men chosen for the task were of gentle nature and were far too honourable to ever exercise their element of control over the creatures, unless necessary. And when these men passed on, their legacy was passed on to their eldest son, continuing, generation after generation. Thus, the Dragon Lord was born.

The bond between a Dragon and its Lord is something stronger than most could even begin to comprehend. Something stronger than Merlin would probably ever understand. Each emotion, each feeling, each heart-break, each wound; all felt by the other. All pain, all happiness, _shared._

So when Kilgharrah was awoken by a searing pain, pulsing through his mind and forcing him to collapse in pain he knew immediately what was wrong.

Something had happened to Merlin…

* * *

Several days later and miles away, in the grounds surrounding Camelot's castle, the knights were training. Swords clashing as the armoured men fought their way across the training grounds. Currently, a certain blond King was sparring with Sir Gwaine and he wasn't holding back.

_Clang Clang Clang_

Arthur growled in frustration as he narrowly dodged a strike from is opponent, causing him to stumble backwards. He halted his actions for a moment, before lunging forward with a swipe of his blade, watching as it shone silver in the sunlight, before coming down and connecting with a shield.

They continued like this for hours, _strike_, _dodge_, _parry_, _block, lunge_; each blow stronger and fiercer than the last. Together, they vented all their frustration, mixed emotions of anger and guilt, clear and sharp in every movement as they danced across the earth in a ballad of though, after what seemed to be a life-time, the fight came to an end. Arthur swung his sword in a wide arc, anger finally fading as it collided with a weak spot in Gwaine's armour and he fell to the ground, Excalibur hovering over his chest.

"Do you yield?" Arthur asked, panting as he tried to catch his breath.

Gwaine let his head fall back and covered his eyes with his hands, "Do I have a choice?"

Arthur's lips twitched slightly and he shook his head, "Nah, I just wanted to be honourable."

"No, you wanted a chance to mock me."

"Why Sir Gwaine," Arthur responded, eyes wide with fake hurt, "how could you ever think such a thing of me?" The knight grinned in response, reaching up and taking Arthur's offered hand as he clambered to his feet.

"That was quite some fight," Arthur noted, gesturing to the area around them in order to emphasise his point.

"Yeah," Gwaine muttered, running a hand through his hair, breathing heavily, "but I guess we both needed it."

The young King nodded, a soft smile stretching across his face, "Yeah…" he breathed, "yeah I guess we did."

They staying silent for a moment, still breathing heavily, their faces glistening with sweat and their armor flecked with mud and dust. Arthur lifted his head, his gaze settling on and area past Gwaine's shoulder and he frowned, before sheathing his sword.

"It's sunset," he said, pointing to the horizon in answer to his friend's inquiring look, "we've been out here for hours."

Gwaine turned around, squinting at the sky that had blossomed with different shades of pink, purple and red. The clouds dusted with gold as the sun lowered itself behind the trees. His eyes widened and he turned to Arthur with a baffled expression, "Really?" he asked, "We were out here _that long_?"

He nodded, shrugging slightly in response, "It appears so."

Gwaine waited a moment, before stretching his face into a broad grin, "Well I suppose we should be getting back then ey Princess?"

Arthur shook his head in fond amusement, "I swear to the Gods Gwaine, if you call me that _one more time_-"

"Hey!" a voice called, effectively cutting off the two turned to see Elyan and Percival running across the field, appearing out of breath as they came closer.

"Hey," Elyan repeated, the two having finally arriving in front of them.

"Hey," Gwaine grinned in bemusement, "what, did you two run all the way here?"

They narrowed their eyes at him, expressions morphing into scowls, "Yes, as a matter a fact we _did_," Percival returned, glaring at his fellow knight.

Arthur rolled his eyes as the three, exasperated, "So, what was it that was so important that you had to run all the way here?"

"Gwen sent us," Elyan responded, "said that we had to get you as quickly as possible. She said that it was urgent."

"Why?" The blond man asked, his exasperation melting into concern, "What's so urgent that we have to be back up at the castle, right now?"

Arthur and Gwaine exchanged glances, the same thought seemingly appearing in their minds. _But no_, Arthur thought, unwilling to get his hopes up, _it's been three days, he couldn't have…_

The two messengers took in their expressions and smiled slightly, having a pretty good idea of what they were thinking.

"Yes sire," Percival cut through their musings, a smile creeping over his face, "Merlin's waking up."

* * *

The group rushed through castle corridors, hurriedly making their way to the Physician's chambers.

"You're sure?" the young King asked for the third time, as the plundered their way up another flight of stairs.

"Yes sire, we're sure," Percival called.

Several moments later, they barged their way into Gaius's chambers and rushed over to the bed. Gwen already sat there, sponging Merlin with a damp cloth as the servant whimpered, squirming pitifully as is face scrunched up in obvious pain. Meanwhile, Leon stood awkwardly in the corner, concerned eyes locked on the boy on the bed.

"How long has he been like this?" Arthur muttered, directing the question at his wife as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed. His knights then taking similar positions around him, watching their friend with, what was clearly, worry.

"About an hour or so," Gwen muttered, not taking her eyes off of her friend.

"Not for much longer," Gaius intervened, shuffling into the room, handing a vial to Gwen. "Please feed him this, my Lady, it should reduce his fever."

The dark woman nodded, grasping the vial and lifting it to Merlin's lips, running her finger down the length of his throat, forcing him to swallow. Gaius then took the vial from her, receiving a murmured 'thankyou' from the Queen, as she went back to watching over her husband's servant.

Suddenly, the doorknob turned with a _click_ and swung open to reveal an anxious figure on the other side.

"I came as soon as I heard," Mordred murmured, shutting the door behind him, "has he woken up yet?"

The room's occupants simultaneously shook their heads and Arthur motioned him to sit next to him. The boy looked reluctant, but went to sit by the King, albeit awkwardly, and joined in on the wait; watching as the boy whimpered and squirmed slightly.

"He's in so much pain," Gwen muttered, smoothing his matted hair, "what's going on in that head of yours Merlin?"

* * *

_Images flashed, bursts of colours blinding him in a haze of light. He could see a battle, raging in the darkness, lit by the flames of torches and darkened by the darkness of the night. He spun, eyes having a difficult time adjusting to the harsh light, groping blindly for the loose ties of reality, for the roots that grounded him._

_Suddenly, Merlin stumbled, losing his footing as his world blurred and the images slowed down. He blinked, recognising two figures standing above the rest, alone and isolated, waiting for the right moment to enter the fray._

_His breath caught in his throat, seeing them tall and dressed in hauntingly black robes, the dark colour accentuating the paleness of their skin, so they appeared ghostly, unnatural, not human. They stood regal and dangerous in the night, smug smirks set firmly on their faces as they observed the horrific scene bellow. He shivered._

_Then the landscape changed again, snapping in on itself, fading, clearing and reforming as something else. He watched in horror as numerous scenes flashed before his eyes, in quick succession, each more heartbreaking then the last._

_There was Mordred, screaming in heartbreak as a young girl was hung in the courtyard. Then there was the same boy, forcing him against a wall in anger, his eyes inflamed with betrayal. Merlin wondered why it would be him to feel betrayed. _

_Then there was himself, trapped and crying in frustration and grief, scrambling to find his way out of the dark cave. _

_He saw his father, ghostly and with eyes alight with wisdom and love, as he looked down upon his son. He saw himself as an old man, powerful and determined, marching out of the cave as he rushed to his Kings aid._

_But then Merlin cried out, as if in physical pain as he watched the ones he loved fighting for their life. As he watched two of his closest friends fall. And he watched, as his world fell apart._

_"You can stop it you know."_

_Merlin's head snapped up, a gasp escaping his mouth as his eyes widened in shock, "Freya."_

_The young woman smiled softly, reaching out as if to brush a hand across his cheek. The battlefield melted away, falling into a dark abyss, so there was only them._

_"You must trust the druid boy Merlin," she told him, voice barely above a whisper, "it may be your only hope."_

_His heart seized and he could feel the thousands of pitiful protests rising to spill from his lips. But Avalon's guardian merely held her hand up to silence him, smiling at him in understanding._

_"He's not a bad person Merlin, being distrustful of him is only going to lead him to the path of darkness."_

_"Wait," he breathed, understanding dawning on him, "are you saying that _I _caused that?"_

_Freya sighed, "No, but your actions towards Mordred did play a key part in his betrayal."_

_"So… what do I do?"_

_"That is up to you. But please Merlin," she implored, "do not take advice from Kilgharrah, not if you want Arthur to live. The dragon means well but he has never meant for the King to survive."_

_She paused, cringing slightly as she watched the hurt and betrayal washing over Merlin's features._

_"As I said Merlin," she whispered, "he means well, but does not have faith that Arthur will live. You have to trust Mordred, no matter what your instincts say, it will help in the long run." She crouched down in front of him, "But Merlin be warned, the Gods have decided Arthur's fate and once that is done it cannot be changed. It is most likely that all of this will only stall your King's death."_

_He nodded dumbly, trying in vain to process all that he had been told then glancing up as Freya started to speak again, "You can worry about this later but for now, your friends are very worried about you Merlin; it is time you went back to them." And with that, she began to fade, melting into the surrounding expanse of black. _

_He jolted and suddenly, his world erupted, bursting with brilliant, white light._

* * *

"What's happening?" Gwen cried as Merlin started to thrash, the knights leaping forward to hold him down.

Gaius frowned, "I'm not quite sure, my Lady."

"Do you think he's-"

But Arthur's question died in his throat as a loud gasp was heard, causing his attention to immediately snap to the boy on the bed. They waited with baited breath and after what seemed like hours but was really only seconds, Merlin's eyes snapped open.

* * *

**Well, not my best (I didn't like it) but definitely the longest I have yet to write, so YIPPEE! *does a little happy dance*. Constructive criticism and suggestions are welcome guys :)**

**Now… review please! :D**


	8. Echoing betrayal

**Floods, fires, storms, tornados, beginning of my second year of highschool, a serious case of writers block and downright laziness. THOSE are my excuses for my late update and sadly… they're all true.  
Thanks for the reviews, I hope you enjoy the chapter :D**

**Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me *pouts***

* * *

"Arthur?" Merlin mumbled, blinking tiredly as his eyes slowly adjusted to the light of the room.

"I'm here Merlin," a faint voice echoed, "right here…"

He sighed, clenching his eyes shut as his face crunched up in confusion, his thoughts and memories too jumbled to make sense of. _'What had happened?'_

Thoughts and feelings whirled around his mind, blurring and fading, passing too quickly for him to see. Merlin scrambled, trying in vain to grasp the strands of his faint memories, desperation clouding his senses and fear overwhelming him.

Suddenly, he heard a voice, a kind one, a soft one, echoing through the haze, a whisper breaking through his barriers and bringing him back to reality.

"Come on Merlin, open your eyes…"

The voice, he _knew _that voice. It was the voice he listened to every day; the one had listened to for the past decade, whether it be barking orders, making prattish remarks or snide comments as they bantered. He knew that voice; he knew it better than his own. And then, as if something had suddenly clicked within him, everything came rushing back. And he remembered…

He remembered the caves, he remembered Aithusa, Mordred, Morgana, he remembered _Arthur_. He gasped, snapping his hand back from the welcoming darkness and opening his eyes to the light.

"ARTHUR!" he yelled out, sitting up in panic, eyes searching the room in a frenzy as he looked in desperation for his friend. Merlin's breathing had been reduced to short, shuddering gasps, hyperventilating as worry for his king overwhelmed him.

"I'm here Merlin," a hand rested on his shoulder, halting his movements, "you have to calm down you idiot, Merlin _look at me_."

He clenched his eyes shut; breathing in deeply and then he opened them again, turning to look at the speaker. The blond hair caught his eyes first, and then the bright blue eyes that he knew so well, of which concern shone within.

He smiled, "Arthur."

The other man grinned and leapt forward to wrap his arms around him, taking care to be gentle, "You're awake," he mumbled, "You're finally awake."

Merlin frowned in confusion, '_what?'_

"Ahem," someone behind them cleared their throat and they turned to see Gwaine looking at them with raised eyebrows, a small smirk playing on his lips; although, you didn't have to look hard to see the emotion behind his playful expression. "Can't the rest of us have a hug to?"

Arthur smiled weakly, though something in his eyes showed reluctance to let go of his servant. Merlin was confused, '_What had actually happened?'_

Deciding to voice his thoughts, he pulled out of Arthur's embrace and looked around the room with a frown on his face.

"I'm sorry guys," he said, drawing everyone's attention to him, "but… I'm really, _really _confused. The last thing I remember was…" he jolted, "was waking up, down in the caves and you… y-you were all gone."

The knights looked crestfallen, exchanging looks of sadness and guilt, while attempting to ignore the glares that the King, Queen and Physician were shooting them.

Merlin's face fell as his beliefs were confirmed, "You left me behind…"

The sad thing was that, he wasn't surprised. Hurt? Yes, shocked? ...no

His friendship with the rest of the group had been dwindling lately; the gap between them steadily growing larger as the years went by. Larger as priorities changed and life became too busy to spend time with him, too busy to care.

He knew that they cared about him (or at least he _hoped _they did), but sometimes he just felt so unappreciated. Sometimes he just felt so alone.

And as the rift grew larger, as the tear became harder and harder to mend, he tried and tried to convince himself that they would still find time for him; that they would still treat him like their little brother, Merlin the idiot. Just like, they always had. But as time grew on, it grew more and more difficult to make himself believe that.

Gwaine looked near tears, "Merlin please, please believe me when I say that we didn't-"

"-mean to." Merlin finished, cutting him off with a tired wave of his hand, ducking his head and clenching his eyes shut to prevent tears, "It's alright Gwaine, it's-it's alright."

He sighed, "Now, can someone please explain to me how I got here?"

Arthur shot a glower at the knights, but sat back down with a sigh, "Well to start off with, it's _their _fault…"

* * *

It had taken a good hour to explain everything, talking about from the time when Arthur awoke in the forest to the three days Merlin spent lying unconscious in bed. It may have taken a shorter length of time, but with the numerous interruptions, outbursts and arguments that broke out, by the time they were done, night had fallen and the group were starting to tire.

And Merlin sat there, absorbing the information in silence, relief blooming in his chest when he found that at least Arthur had thought of him bringing a slight smile to his face, though it was weak from feelings of sadness and betrayal. Suddenly he opened his mouth and let out a large yawn.

"Alright," Gaius shuffled over, "that's quite enough now, Merlin needs his rest."

Merlin's eyes widened, "But Gaius I-"

"Have been asleep for several days," the old man cut in, "yes you have, however, in that time you were in something called a comatose state. You're body used that time to heal; thus why you're so tired, you haven't really gotten any rest at all."

He sighed, sitting back as he knew it would be feeble to protest. Gwaine stepped forward an enveloped him in a gentle but firm embrace.

"We better go, but we'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Merlin nodded into the knight's shoulder and exchanged goodbyes with the group, all of whom looked reluctant to leave. But just as they were leaving, Merlin caught sight of one last person exiting through the door.

"Mordred!" he called, gaining the other's attention, "You don't have to worry, I forgive you."

The boy's mouth dropped open in shock and his face held thinly disguised relief. _Thankyou_ he mouthed, nodding at both the physician and his ward, before the door finally clicked shut.

Merlin turned to Gaius, "So, I guess I'll just go up to my room then?"

Gaius frowned, "You don't want to eat first?"

"I don't really feel like eating…" he sighed.

Gaius nodded in understanding before reaching behind him and grabbing a vial, checking the lable and handing it to Merlin.

"Drink this first," he ordered, "It should help with your headache and help you sleep."

Merlin nodded in thanks and headed up the stairs, placing the vial on his bedside before slumping on his bed. He sighed, letting his gaze drift to the window; he stared out at the thousands of tiny stars. His lower lip trembled and the damn gates finally burst.

Tears tumbled down his cheeks and he grabbed his pillow to muffle the choked sobs that fell from his lips. He curled up into a ball and shook, shaking his head and wondering, wondering why this had happened to _him_.

Had he done something wrong? Had he done something to deserve all this? All he wanted to do was protect the people he cared about, but for some reason, it was always him who ended up being hurt the most.

_Merlin!_

He could hear the cries of Kilgharrah echoing in the distance calling him, probably to check if he was okay but Merlin ignored him. Instead he crawled under the covers and curled up under the warm blanket, trying his best to shut out the voice.

He could protect Arthur, the Kingdom and he could talk to the dragon, t_omorrow_.

But for now, all Merlin could do, was cry…

* * *

**Well… sorry for the length, hope it was okay *grimace***

**POLL ALERT! I've put a poll up asking you how you think I should end the fic. It's on my profile, vote please! I really need your input! :D**


	9. Comforting words, soothing souls

**AN: Two months... I am very sorry. And sadly, I really DON'T have much of an excuse other than not much of a will to write… and homework, exams and all that crap as well. Yep… REALLY SORRY! But still, thankyou all for all of the lovely reviews :D**

**Oh and quick reminder: MAKE SURE TO VOTE ON MY POLE! Guys I really need your input! And for those of you who don't know, I've posted a poll on my profile asking you how I should end the fic. Thanks to those who have submitted their vote, you've been a great help.**

**Disclaimer: Gosh I wish I did, but sadly I do not own Merlin :(**

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Merlin woke to a dull throbbing in his head. Emitting a soft moan of discomfort, his eyes fluttered open and he forced himself to sit up, blinking tiredly as he did. His hand reached up to rub sleep out of tired eyes and Merlin started when he came into contact with his cheek, which was damp with still drying tears.

His lower lip trembled slightly and he bit it, "Don't cry Merlin, don't cry," he mumbled, absentmindedly wiping away a few stray tears. Glancing out the window he noted that the sun was only just beginning to rise, _'Odd,' _he thought_, 'I don't usually wake up this early.' _

So, shaking his head in slight bewilderment, Merlin heaved himself out of bed, whimpering slightly at the loss of the warm covers as his feet touched the cold stone floor. Standing shakily, he wobbled his way over to the door, legs weak from days of disuse.

Downstairs Gaius was already awake, shuffling around the room and gathering supplies to put in his medicine bag, clearly getting ready to go on his daily rounds. He seemed happy, Merlin couldn't help but notice with a soft smile; he supposed that it must have been due to relief from all of the stress that must have piled on over the past few days. Merlin couldn't escape the feeling of guilt that wormed in his gut.

Finally, Gaius's gaze settled on him and his eyes narrowed with disapproval. Merlin resisted the urge to take a step back.

"And just what do you think you're doing out of bed Merlin?" Gaius fixed him with a glare.

Merlin bit his lip, "Well first off Gaius, I'm _not _made of glass-"

"Could've fooled me with the amount of times you've almost gotten yourself killed."

"-so I don't see what the big deal is," he continued as if the physician hadn't spoken, "and also," here Merlin paused, ducking his head and mumbling, "my head hurts. It woke me up."

Gaius's expression softened into one of concern, "Well you silly boy why didn't you say something before?"

Merlin opened his mouth to retort but it shut with a click as Gaius reached over and snatched up a vile, placing it in his ward's hand, "That should help. Now drink it and go _back to bed_, you need your rest Merlin."

The warlock downed the potion with a grimace before handing it back to his mentor with a quiet _thanks_, once again worrying his lip, "But Gaius, I'd really like to-"

"Not buts Merlin, go back to sleep."

He pressed his fingers to his temple and emitted a groan of frustration, "Gaius I've had enough sleep to last a lifetime! Right now, what I really need is some fresh air. Please."

He pleaded with the elderly man, eyes wide and imploring. It took a few moments but Merlin could still pinpoint the very moment his mentor's will crumbled.

"Alright Merlin you can go out on the condition that you eat your meals on time starting with breakfast, you don't under _any _circumstance leave the city and you promise me that you will be back by sundown." Gaius raised an eyebrow and looked at Merlin pointedly, "Is that understood?"

Merlin grinned and leapt forward to hug him, "Thankyou Gaius! Thankyou!"

Gaius let free an amused smile and patted his ward on the back before pulling away, "Now, let me put together some breakfast and once you've eaten that, you're free to leave."

Merlin nodded, a small smile playing on his lips.

* * *

About half an hour later, the sun had finally risen above the treetops, its rays casting light over the city as the town bustled into life. Merlin's first step outside of the Physician's Chambers was unsteady and he had to grasp the wall for support, but after a little while he managed to assume a decent pace and he no longer felt that he was in danger of falling. Well, no more than he usually was…

"Merlin!"

He spun around to see Gwen staring at him, eyes wide and eyebrows raised as she noticed him standing atop the stair leading to the courtyard.

Merlin bit his lip, a habit that was really starting to get on his nerves, "Yes milady?"

Gwen pursed her lips, cocking her head and nailing him with a look clearly indicating that she was unimpressed, "And just what are you doing out of bed?" she inquired, stepping closer, "It's barely past dawn Merlin! We were up late last night, you should be resting! You shouldn't be out of bed at all, never mind at this hour in the morning!"

Her voice had been getting louder as she spoke, raising until she was almost shouting, they were beginning to attract attention from people passing by.

"Um Gwen," he discreetly nodded to the onlookers.

She rolled her eyes, "They'll stare no matter what we're doing Merlin, now answer the question," though even as she said it, she'd lowered her voice and adopted a slightly sheepish expression.

Merlin sighed, "I've been in bed for days Gwen, I really just wanted some fresh air," he raised a hand to silence her when she opened her mouth to protest, "Gaius gave the okay. I just have to eat and drink regularly and be back by sunset."

Merlin could see her considering this, before relenting with a sigh, "Alright then but as long as you're up, why don't you come down with me to the training field. Arthur's down there already with the knights."

Merlin blinked, "At this hour?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

Gwen grinned mischievously, reaching out and taking his hand, "Come on, I'll show you…"

Heading down, the first thing that Merlin noticed was a sound that Merlin was all too familiar with, Arthur barking orders.

"I said ten! That's four more!"

They stopped at the edge of the field and sat down to watch. Merlin frowned, bewildered as he took in the sight of Arthur shouting commands at Elyan, Gwaine, Percival and Leon to run laps around the area.

A part of him stuttered at the sight of them, his heart constricting painfully. He took a deep breath, he promised himself that he wouldn't cry anymore, he refused to be that selfish. 'It wasn't their fault,' he thought but even as he did, something inside him told him that that was complete and utter crap.

But still, looking out at the knights he couldn't ignore the concern edging its way in his chest.

He turned to Gwen, "What _is _Arthur doing?"

The Queen smirked, her expression all too smug for Merlin's comfort, "Just dishing out some punishment."

But this only confused Merlin more, "For what? What did they do?"

She started, turning to Merlin with one eyebrow raised, "What do you think?"

"Hmm?" he paused to think, before it finally dawned on him, "You _cannot _be serious!"

Gwen shrugged.

Back on the field the knights had finally finished their laps, coming to a stop a few yards away from the two observers. The whole group hunched over, sweating and panting from exhaustion.

Gwaine straightened, wiping his eyes and muttering, "God he's trying to kill us."

Percival nodded in agreement, "I think that may be the idea."

Arthur then chose to make his way over, his eyes showing no compassion as he stared down at the panting group, "Now," he pointed at the ground, "drop down and give me fifty push-ups."

Gwaine groaned, looking very much like he'd prefer to pass out instead.

"After you have done that, you may have a drink of water and then we will begin training," he finished, trying and epically failing at hiding the smirk of satisfaction that was creeping its way over his face.

The knights looked reluctant to follow the order, but complied while heaving a sigh of resignation as the got down to obey their king.

Meanwhile, Merlin sat, mouth open in horror as he watched the scene unfold.

"Isn't this a tad over the top?"

Gwen pulled a face, somehow managing to look both like she was enjoying and hating it at the same time. "Just let him do it Merlin. Though he'd likely never admit it to your face, he was a right mess over what happened to you."

He raised an eyebrow in scepticism, looking over at Arthur with worry, "Are you sure about that? I mean really Gwen-"

"Ugh!" she groaned in frustration, "Of course I am Merlin, really! Arthur may not be the best at showing emotion but when it counts, he cares. Did you know that it took more than a day to drag him away from your bedside? And he would only EVER leave if it was urgent?"

Merlin gaped at her, wide eyed as she ranted. Had Arthur really done that? Fortunately for him, Gwen continued before he could overthink it too much.

"And besides that," she continued, oblivious to his internal battle, "today, yesterday and the day before, he has had all of the knights out here, doing this."

Merlin bit back any disapproving comments he had about that.

"He was _so worried Merlin_," she whispered, her eyes shining with repressed tears, "granted we all were, but him… This may not be the first time he's almost lost you Merlin but something about _this particular _time set him off."

She paused here, taking his hand before continuing, "It may have been the fact that it was his own knights, our _friends _that caused this. Or it may have been that this is the first time that he has been forced to sit around and watch as you teetered between the realms of life and death." Her gaze drifted out towards her husband, "Because Merlin, regardless of whether or not this situation has come about before, _which it has_, this is the first time that he's truly been there to witness it."

A tear slipped out now and Merlin scooted over to wrap an arm around the Queen as she shook, whispering soothing words in an effort to comfort her.

_'It really was wasn't it…' _Merlin thought over all of the times that he'd been injured and truthfully, the fact was that every time it had happened within the King's vicinity, they had been separated, or Merlin had been healed before anything major could happen. Merlin had never really stopped to think about that before.

Beside him, Gwen cleared her throat, wiping her eyes and turned to him again.

"Whatever it was Merlin," she continued, "w-whatever it was… you almost dying? It almost broke him."

Merlin swallowed thickly and pulled the trembling woman back into his arms, "It'll be okay Gwen, I promise it will. And look," he smiled cheekily, gesturing out to the field, "the prat's still here isn't he? He'll be alright Gwen. We _all_ will."

He trailed off with a whisper, gently brushing a stray tear from her cheek.

She nodded, giving him a watery smile, "Thankyou Merlin, you truly are the kindest and strongest man I have ever met."

She sounded a tad awed when she said this and Merlin had to fight blushing and was saved as the sound of footsteps on grass interrupted his train of thought and he looked up to see the knights moving toward them to get a drink of water. They all looked a bit startled at seeing them there and if Merlin were to admit it, _weary. _

Looking past them though, Merlin could see Arthur standing alone in the middle of the field.

"Sorry Milady," he said, standing up slowly for fear of collapsing if he moved to fast, "I think I need to have a quick chat with your husband."

She looked up with raised eyebrows but nodded, lips curving into a small smile.

And with that, Merlin made his way over to the lone King, passing the knights with a quiet _good morning_ as he walked across the field.

The world seemed to slow, passing in a dull blur, the people and sound blotted out so there was only the two of them, standing there, alone, together.

"Merlin what are you doing out of bed?" Arthur asked, clearly trying to appear stern but only achieving at sounding utterly exhausted.

"Well clotpole I was under the impression I was seeing you."

The other man scowled, "That isn't funny Mer-"

"And neither is this!" he cut across, gesturing madly to the area around them, "What are you _thinking _Arthur?"

Before his eyes, his King seemed to crumble, the façade of arrogance and superiority vanishing from his face, leaving behind someone much more vulnerable, much more scared.

"Merlin," his voice was barely above a whisper, "Merlin I'm so sorry-"

And suddenly the warlock didn't care anymore and cut off his friend's apology as he stepped forward in one swift movement and wrapped his arms around the other man. Merlin ignored the pitiful protests coming from his King, shaking his head and gripping him tighter. And in that moment, all they could really do, was hold each other…

_It's okay Arthur… it's okay… I'm alive... We're going to be okay…_

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**AN: I hope you liked it! Remember to vote for the poll and review! Please, I really love your feedback! I'll make sure to try and update faster next time :)**


	10. Revelations and understandings

**AN: Okay, first of all, I cannot believe that this story has gained as many followers as it has! I mean honestly, do you guys live for Merlin!Whump or something! Seriously?! This is absolutely amazing, I just CAN'T get over it! Over 500 FOLLOWERS! Ridiculous! And I'd like to sincerely thank you for all of your WONDERFUL reviews, I can't thank you enough for all of your support! Originally this story was only going to be a short one; a gap filler. But you guys are making me consider something a tad longer.**

**On another note I am SOOOO sorry for the delay, I don't have much of an excuse other than High school is ****_very_**** time consuming and I'm just a bit lazy D: But come on, it can't have been that long!**

***Looks at 'Last Updated' … eyes widen* Oh shi-**

**Warnings: A bit of OOC-ness **

**Disclaimer: I have 99 problems, all of which would be solved if I owned Merlin.**

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_I've watched from the shadows, the darkness comforts me._

_I've guarded you and protected you, but I am what you never see._

_A wizard, a sorcerer and a warlock, of which I am all three._

_You forget me, tease me but my hurt goes unsaid._

_You say I am your brother, not a servant but a friend._

_Acting like you love me as your brother in arms, my loyalty is your theft._

_But you see, if you loved me, you wouldn't ever have left…_

They had stayed like that, wrapped in the warm embrace of each other. Friend, protector, confident, brother. Silence enveloped them; the welcoming hug of an old friend, only broken with the occasional word of comfort or exchanged insult.

_I'm sorry._

_It's okay Arthur, we're okay…_

_You're a real **Prat**, you know that?_

_You're such a **girl** Merlin._

_Forgive me, please, I'm so sorry ... Why? When it's not your fault…_

And they found solace in each other, echoes of a happier time – when everything was so simple, black and white, clean-cut – lingered in the back of their minds. A longing for things to be as they once were was strong and stark in their movements, tainted with the sadness of the knowledge what they had become.

Eventually they drew back, Arthur insisting it was improper of him to be presented this way before his subjects.

(I'm the **King **_Mer_lin, you can't possibly expect me to be seen like this!)

The comment fell flat and sounded strained even to Arthur's own ears. Because for the first time in years, Merlin had managed to draw out of him what no other could. His true self.

The younger man lay him bare, façade wrenched from him in one painful motion. And he unveiled him for the world to see.

He was vulnerable and now was the instance where he would usually close up, push others away again. But in that moment – for reasons that he had yet to understand – as he stood there with his friend, he found, he simply didn't care.

They had then stumbled back to Arthur's chambers, unknowingly passing a smiling Gwen and confused but relieved knights. Relieved that their King was finally letting his frustration out in a way that didn't drive them to the peak of exhaustion.

"Well," Gwaine clapped his hands with grin, "I suppose that means we get the rest of the morning off! I mean, the Gods know they won't be back for a while-"

"Actually," and Gwen would later refuse to admit that she smirked as she said this, "since my husband will likely be otherwise occupied for the remainder of this morning, I do believe that leaves me in charge. (Here Elyan spluttered in outrage, "I'm not taking orders from my little sister!") Which means, as your Queen," she looked pointedly at her brother, "I have the authority to lead the rest of your training session."

The group exchanged wary glances, fully aware that the woman would be just as, if not more, terrifying in her fury as her husband had revealed himself to be.

Leon shuffled nervously, "My Lady, are you sure you are qualified to-"

"I am the daughter of a Blacksmith, Sir Leon and believe it or not I have spent many mornings throughout my life watching the Knights of Camelot train both as Lady Morgana's maid and as the Queen. There were times when I even helped Morgana with her own training." She narrowed her eyes, daring him to challenge her, "I _do_ believe that I am in fact, _fully _qualified."

"But-"

"Elyan, drop down and give me twenty."

* * *

Neither had spoken.

As soon as they had entered the room, Merlin shutting the door behind them, Arthur had slumped at the edge of his bed, head in hands. His shoulders were sagged in his defeat, his eyes clouded in his grief.

Unsure if his presence would be entirely welcome, Merlin had drawn a chair at the dining table, suddenly very aware of his fatigue, not to mention his state of health. A shudder ran through the warlock as his head throbbed and hid vision blurred in and out of focus. A shaking breath passed his lips and he pressed his hands to his face, eyes clenched as he suffered. Pain pounded in his head like the beating of a drum.

"Merlin?"

A cautious but firm hand on his shoulder jolted him back to awareness and his gaze lifted to meet those of his friend. Arthur had obviously noticed his distress and made his way over the servant, whom he was now staring at with thinly veiled concern shining in his eyes. But not without a hint of anger and frustration in his expression.

"Merlin what are you even doing out of bed?" his voice was harsh and raspy from crying and his words cut into Merlin like shards of broken glass.

Massaging his temple in an attempt to rid himself of the ache, the younger man answered in a strained whisper, "I needed to get out Arthur. I needed to."

And he had, the yearning for the feel of the sun on his skin and the sight and sounds of bustling citizens in the towns had been so overwhelming he felt he couldn't breathe. Just the _need_ to see daylight after so many days in the dark was stifling in a way he had never previously imagined.

Another wave of pain swept through him and he stiffened. For a moment Merlin wondered how he had even made as far as he had without collapsing.

"Merlin you _idiot_," he sighed in fond exasperation, voice tinged with the slightest bit of annoyance, "you should have told me you were feeling like this or I would have taken you back to Gaius."

The warlock groaned in discomfort as a response.

"Merlin!" Arthur very nearly growled, clasping his hands on the other's shoulders in a tight grip and Merlin's eyes snapped open, unaware they had closed in the first place.

"Merlin you're sick," he murmured, looking at him imploringly, "it's a miracle you even survived what you went through okay? What you need is rest. I'll take you back to Gaius's chambers."

Immediately, protests rose and simmered to the surface, threatening to burst forth like the bubbles of a hot spring.

"But Arthur, we have to talk about this."

"We'll talk about it when you're in bed Merlin," and to make that comment seem more masculine, he added, "it would look bad if I were forced to carry my manservant back to Gaius unconscious."

"Why?" the warlock frowned, "Not like you haven't done it before-"

"_Mer_lin."

When Arthur appeared in the doorway of the Physician's Chambers half dragging-half carrying a collapsing Merlin, Gaius showed barely a hint of surprise. He merely rose and eyebrow at both of them as a way of saying _'I told you so' _before politely informing them that he had errands to run, leaving with an air of slight disapproval as his gaze passed over his shaking ward.

They stumbled up to Merlin's room and the thin man curled up under the blanket, motioning for the other to sit next to the bed.

"What are you doing Arthur?"

And for a moment they just looked at each other, seemingly overwhelmed by the situation at hand. Unsure and unknowing of what would be revealed in the coming conversation. They were hesitant, cautious, scared.

"They," he mumbled finally, gestured helplessly, "-they left you for dead Merlin. You can't expect me to _forget_ that."

"But I can ask you to _forgive_."

Arthur looked at him for a long moment, before slowly shaking his head with a sigh, "No, no you can't."

Merlin frowned in concern and tried to sit up before deciding otherwise when the world flew out of focus and he almost keeled sideways. Slumping back down onto the mattress gave Arthur a look that could only be described as incredulous.

"W-Why," he paused as a hacking cough racked his frame, "Why do you care so much? Arthur?"

The peasant blinked in wonderment, unable to fathom the thought that this was actually affecting his friend to such an extent.

"I mean, really," he murmured softly, "it's easy to forget me Arthur and while I'm not going to try to persuade you into thinking that I'm o-okay with w-what happened," here the older man looked as his servant in undisguised concern, "I'm also not going to act like I don't understand."

"You _are _top priority Arthur! You're the King and the Gods know this Kingdom would fall to ruin without you." he said forcefully, "You were injured, for all they knew you could have been dying and for that reason I have absolutely no reason to be upset with them. They were only doing what's right!"

"That doesn't excuse what they did," Arthur hissed.

"But it does," he responded with a harsh whisper, "It does because you're the _King _Arthur, and no matter what, I will always be just a servant-"

"Don't!" the blond man growled, "I know I've teased you Merlin. I know I've made you feel insignificant, worthless, a simple-minded peasant. But you never _were just_ a servant."

Arthur looked down, avoiding the eyes of the other.

"For years – gods for _ten _years – I have made you believe I didn't care." Merlin shook his head but Arthur, too lost in his confession, didn't see it, "I did it because I was afraid. I was afraid of how much I came to depend on you, how much I relied on having you by my side. For ten years I made myself think you were a fool but-but I _know now_…"

He lifted his head, his eyes shone with unshed tears, "You will always be a greater man than me because you are the reason that I have come to be what I am today. It was _you _Merlin. It was _you _who made me change my ways, who made me see the world for what it was, not as what my father had raised me to see. You, a boy raised in a village, a man with no experience in battle, have stayed by my side even when we stood no chance of surviving. Gods, even when we couldn't _stand each other_, you s_till _did so much for me."

Merlin's face was pinched in a small frown; confusion and denial swimming in his eyes as he heard words leave Arthur's mouth that he hadn't dared to hope ever would.

Arthur gnawed at his lip and averted his gaze once more.

'_I'll ease up on the Knights Merlin, I'll try … but don't expect too much from me. Please.'_

"I'm only trying to say that," the blond man continued, "you are my friend Merlin and regardless of how much of an idiot you are, I would give my life for yours in an _instant_! From the first day I met you, a bumbling fool who thought himself able to push me off my pedestal, I knew you were different." He breathed, lost in the memory that filled him with so much confusion and yet made him content, "I remember thinking to myself, _This boy – this big-eared, wide-eyed peasant – isn't going to leave me alone now, is he?_ I remember how much fun it was to finally have someone stand up to me, how right it felt."

His brow furrowed and Merlin could see discomfort settling on his shoulders a he relay his feelings like this. Part of him wondered if now would be the time to tell Arthur, let him know the truth of what he was; what he had done. But he held his tongue, there would be time for that conversation later. A flash of fear swept through him at the thought of his friend's reaction but he pushed it down and focused on what Arthur had to say.

"I didn't know at the time, that you would become such a constant in my life, only that you were somehow a part of it now. Because there's … there's something about _you_ Merlin. And for that you are my friend. You were never _just a servant_ Merlin."

The younger man just stared at the blond King in his hesitance in utter amazement and in that moment, he found there was only one thing he could say.

"But I'm happy with that," the blonde's eyebrows raised as he took in his manservant's smile, "I'm happy to be your servant Arthur … till the day I die."

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**I should be updating again soon as I have the next chapter mapped out already (stuff that was supposed to be a part of this chapter but whatever). Sorry if you don't like the sappiness but I couldn't resist! ;D**

**Hope you enjoyed it guys (still don't understand why you would). Let me know what you think!**


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